Mixed feelings

Assalamualaikum, Hi.

Once, my lecturer asked us to introduce ourselves by highlighting her three things that she will remember about us, one by one. And it was my turn so I walked out from my seat.

"Hi everyone, I'm Huda. I kinda shy and always keep myself in silence, and what's else? Ya, I have these two chubby cheeks which will make my eyes closed when I smile."

I literally didn't know what to say. I burst out into laugh everytime I think about it all over again. I guess there will be ice-breaking session too next semester. Let's see how fun will it be. Today is Tuesday and I have approximately 2 days left before I get back to Uni. I start to miss my parents even though I am still at home. Trust me, it feels like battling to win an unwilling emotion. I don't know, sometimes I think I should be excited of getting back to routine, pack up myself with schedules and assignments as well as reuniting with my friends after long breaks.

But this is not going to be as easy as breaking nuts in a jar. Yesterday, while I was washing up plates and glasses in the kitchen, my mom came. She told me something that broke my eyes into tears. I was silently hit, deep to the core.

"Even if someone is trying to knock you down, let them be. You know who you are and where your place is. Just be kind to everyone. God knows everything. Ingat, kat tempat orang nanti jaga diri tu baik baik. Jangan dok buat tak ketahuan, kawan dengan orang yang berjenis, jaga time semayang. Nak buat apa apa pun, ingat Ummi dengan Abah dekat rumah ni. Jangan nak terikut ikut benda tak elok."

-Mom to a daughter.

I'm currently in the state of confusing with my own feelings. It's okay, through hardships come ease. Despite of all these mixed feelings, I have to face it. That's the only way to strike the final line kan?

I try to come out with some 'pujuk pujuk' words macam :

"Alaa, Dengkil tu tak jauh aih. Kentut pun boleh dengaq."

"Dok sat ja, cuti cuti boleh balik jugak."

"Sat ja semester ni, takyah kalut, ghisau apaa."

"Pejam celik, pejam celik, habih la Asasi."

"Kata nak jadi lecturer?"

So, these were lists of mental medications I hardly brained and yes been practicing since long time. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. I think, to energize positivity and live in it is the only curable alternative. I need no pills, tablets or syrups to make me feel better because the feelings dwell within me after all. In fact, Allah never burdens a soul beyond it can bear, nor He won't give us more than we can handle. Up up and keep keep trying!

There will always be ups and downs. Life never goes straight.

So yeah, let's make these two days counted. For those who will be going to UITM Dengkil next semester, we shall meet up soon. Alright, that's all for today, thanks for your time. Have a nice day ahead, rise and shine!

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